Seasons change. See the change.

I've really been slacking on keeping my life updates on here. I know that i'm not going to remember things later, unless i reflect upon them here. I have a terrible memory, and with the lifelong case of "wet brain" that i have, it certainly won't help things.
It honestly has been a relatively eventful month, in my life. I certainly haven't had a shortage of things to do, whether i've been at work or not. I've been quite a busy bee, for the last 20 days or so.
After getting my house broken into last month, i decided to move out sooner than later, so i busted my ass to get my bills and what not paid off, so i worked pretty much non stop through the end of last month, and the beginning of this month. It helped me get straightened out, to an extent. I got moved out in the only 4 day stretch that i've had off in months. I unfortunately joined another band and had to learn songs, in that same 4 days, so that i could play a show. That little stretch has afforded me sanity, fun, minimal rest, and a seriously dinged up foot. While loading in for the show, i had a 8x10 bass cabinet fall on me and crush my foot against a stair. Needless to say, it felt fucking awesome. So now i've been limping around for a little over a week.
Moving out was fucking awesome, though, i live with 2 of my friends, in a different neighborhood, and most importantly, in a nice house.It was a pain getting moved in 2 days, but was awesome when i got it finished and over with. I was stoked, for sure. Now that i'm in here, it has made my life easier, and more fun. Living with Matt and Sean, rules. I'm siked on it, plus we all get on well with each other.
I've even had some other days off lately too, which has been pretty good. I've been to a baseball game, went to a Caps preseason game, played some shows, had some good hangouts, and generally been in a good mood. Now i'm just saving money, so I can go see V and my SF crew, and go to my cousin's wedding in Dec. Those will be 2 fun vacations, for sure. I'm excited to see V, cause she's been having a bummer summer, too. I figure it'll be good, to hang out and just have fun for a few days. Plus i miss the shit out of her.
As far as my love life goes, Celibate Summer might be over, but it might as well have started again, seeing as how i've been trying to keep myself out of trouble. I dunno what to think about anything, my mind is in so many directions. I definitely still have a crush on Veronica, not even a crush really, i like her. Then there's the dog walker, who i dunno what is going on there, or how i really feel about it. The ex who is still in love with me, who I want nothing to do with. The transplant, who i think is just someone i should be friends with. She is too much for me. Then there's the new girl. She likes me, but at the same time she doesn't like me at all. She thinks i'm the world's biggest shitbag. She might be right, judging from the past few sentences. Either way, we hung out the other night, and it was fun. I just can't handle her when she gets loaded, and is mouthy, and can't stand on her own.
Whatever, fall is here now, and there's no shortage of replacements and lemonheads records for me to listen to, to get in the mood for the season. I just need to buy a new ipod, so i can load it up with sweet jams, and ride around town. Who knows what will happen between now and the next time i find time to write.
My life really is still a mess, to be honest, haha.

Celibate Summer

Celibate Summer. Started off as a joke, and has now become a full fledged reality. It's a good thing, i think. It's kept me out of trouble, and limited the number of regrettable decisions that a guy like me can make when dealing with serious bouts of drinking away depression. I haven't even hung out with a girl, really, until today. In her case, she is one of my ex's, Dana, the girl that you can read about in the first series of entries in here. She is also part of the reason that I am depressed. Not now, but in the beginning, she was a catalyst for the place of driven myself to, now. It was pretty ironic that the one person who called me to hang out, was the one who didn't want to see me anymore 2 months ago. My life is that good.
She said she'd take me out for my birthday, to lunch or something. We didn't eat. She did, I didnt. I got coffee, and she got cake and later on, ice cream. It was fine hanging out with her. We did the normal dance around the topics of conversation we know shouldn't get brought up. Walked around, chatted, all that stuff. We decided to go to a movie. Step Brothers, my choice. I thought it was average, she fucking hated it. Afterwards, she dropped me off and i came home. Real exciting stuff. It was good for me to get out of bed before noon, though, so i'll give her points for getting me to do that.
I sat around all day yesterday, and watched tv. Watched a rom com that made me get teary eyed. i think i'm starting to lose a grip on my sanity, or really be getting seriously depressed. i think it's the latter. my habits are not good. sleeping all day, not going anywhere, only leaving the house to work, mood swings, not eating, drinking a lot, doing a ton of drugs. it's not good. obviously i don't give enough of a shit to straighten myself out either, so whatever.
Last night, i wasn't feeling particularly social. I wound up going to see a movie alone. It's kind of weird that i've seen more movies this month, than i've seen in the last year before this, combined. Anyway, i went to Rotunda, saw Pineapple Express, and thought it was awesome. It was funny, cause there wound up being like 10 people i knew at the same movie. It figures, small town we have here. Afterwards, i went with John, David, and Roman down to Rocket. It was Matt's birthday. Got there right in time to sing him happy birthday at midnight. Hung out til last call, didn't drink a whole lot. Just came home and watched tv for about 20 minutes, so i could get up to hang with Dana today. Insomnia fucked with me til about 6, so it was whatever. I got to sleep and it was fine.
Other than that, work's been kicking my ass, and so has life in general. My birthday is in 2 days, and the only people who have even bothered to give half a shit are 2 of my ex girlfriends. Life is grand.

Are you going to...dick meeting?!?!

it's been a pretty eventful stint in my last week of living. i've actually done something outside of my normal routine. the night of the last entry i was in pretty good spirits, and happy about life. that came crashing down the next day when i was at work and found out i had been double scheduled. this was due to the fact that iron maiden was playing and the entire bar went to the show. literally the entire security and bar staff that was not scheduled was there. I was stuck working all night. It was pretty fucking irritating. The next night, it took a turn for the better, cause it was the last night for the current thursday night dj's. the music was finally good, too, so of course no one came out, cause they are idiots. there was also a hip hop show downstairs, and the crossover appeal wasn't happening. i did get to meet two awesome girls from boston, who tipped me excellent, and gave me their numbers. i will be hanging with them in the future, i hope.
finally on friday, i broke out of my normal day to day bullshit! i went to new york for a couple days, so we could play our yearly soccer match. we left around 7 or so and had a really entertaining ride up. i rode with sherry and the Dosch. We listened to a bunch of old school jams, and had serious sing alongs. it was a lot of fun. when we got up to ny, we met up with a friend of ben's, and the 6 of us who came up early went out drinking. my friend lisa came out, which was cool. found out her and justin broke up. also cool. found out they broke up because of some girl he slept with. i slept with her too. not cool. either way, she's one of the girls i was talking about liking having a crush on. when i hang with her, it feels really awesome. that's good enough for me. i want her to stick around, not go home. after we went out to another couple of bars, and picked up some more people, we had to get some sleep. we went to barcade, and trashed, which were awesome. i fucking hate union pool though. that place is always filled with dickweeds. katie bailed on giving me a place to stay, but my homegirl sona came through in the clutch!!! unfortunately it took us forever to find her house cause we missed a turn.
the next day was the game. after getting 2 hours of sleep, we left brooklyn for long island. it sucked, i should have just stayed up. during warmups for the game, i broke my finger and strained a muscle in my ribs, somehow. fortunately, i was the only goalie, and we only had 3 subs, so, i got to play a 90 minute game, injured. we lost by 1 goal. i had a meltdown, but wound up being ok.
after the game we went and bbq'd for a bit and came back into the city. we stayed with sona again, and hung out at her place, before going out. katie wound up coming over to meet us, and it was chill. we eventually went back, and got some much needed sleep.
Sunday was a return to the routine. after driving back, i went to stop into work to get my phone charger. bad idea. the kid covering my shift never showed. fucking great. so i had to work. my legs were sunburnt. my finger's broken, and i gotta work this dancy/dj bullshit. i wound up getting off at midnight. lucky me, i also was dodging emily all night.
monday, i had off and got crabs with brigette, kicked it at rocket. watched Pam get crazy, and saw a girl i used to sleep with go home with Pietro. ew. at least i got to hang with matt for the first time in awhile. we're gonna have band practice saturday.
last night, just dj'd, emily got drunk, i didnt. she kept trying to kiss me and hug me all night. it was fucking annoying. even if i were dating her in any capacity, i would hate this. much less from a girl i've slept with a handful of times. she wanted to come over, i didnt. i won, i got to go to bed alone. and wake up alone. and here i am, sitting in my office, which is my bedroom. while gerry and megan lay there in bed, hearing me click away on my computer, having sweet conversations to themselves.
i'm counting down the hours til work, and band meeting, present.

recap

6 am.
can't sleep.
saw old friends.
went to a show.
saw kids mosh.
drank skunked beer.
learning more everyday.
still need a vacation.
can't handle being around people, very well.
one of my crushes makes me nervous.
don't know if it's good or bad.
walks home alone at 4 am are kind of nice.

Summer is here.

I finally went night swimming the other night, wasted out of my mind at 3 am. It was really fun, i think. I really love going swimming. If i had a car, i'd probably go swimming every day. I'd also probably do a lot of other things if i had a car as well. I know i'd go to the beach on every day off.
I'm making plans to go on a vacation with Jess, to AC. She likes gambling, and so do i. We also like the beach, and getting drunk. This trip sounds like a winning combo.
I found out my ex is dating one of my best friends. That's awesome. At least he's a good dude, so i'm pretty ok with it. i kinda figured that was what would wind up happening anyway. it's kind of weird. i definetly had a dream last night where we had gotten back together. i dunno what to think about that, haha.
I'm gonna go see my friends play a show tonight, one of the rare times i go to a show willingly, much less a hc show. apparently i'm not too old for it. either way, i'll get to see a lot of friends, and hang out. that's the one thing i really want to do right now, since i never get to do it.
my bands have some sweet shows coming up, too. so i have that to look forward to, as well.
Everything seems to be coming up roses.

currently playing: Ambulette- Seconds til Midnight.

busy busy busy.

so it's been a while since i last posted. nothing out of the ordinary has really been happening. i've been working a whole lot, and not really making the most of my time off. i had hoped that i would go get a funnel cake at Honfest today, but ultimately have wound up smoking in my room and sitting in the AC.
i have been pretty unhappy since me and dana broke up, but not in the way that she is the one making me that way. although, she did have a small part in it. in the last couple days, it had a little more sting than i thought, as well. i think i've just realized that i have that feeling that as much as i want to leave here, i am stuck, and doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes. some mistakes you never stop paying for, as the suicide file says. i knew i should have moved to richmond when i'd planned on it. who knows were my life would have taken me by now. all i know is that other than a few great friends, and life experience, baltimore really hasn't done so much for me. i've lived here for 10 years almost. that's all i get? that's fucked.
on to somewhat happier things, this summer has pretty much involved the same thing most summers have when i've not ben on tour: hot weather, no socks, late nights, girls, drugs, drinking, sitting on the porch, and work. the new bonus is having a room with windows, and an ac unit. the other new thing with this summer for me, is having crushes. for some reason it's something that i never really develop, but it's kind of a new thing. usually i just decide that i think a girl is attractive, ask her out, yadda yadaa yadda. these girls, i honestly don't even want anything to do with. i just like the idea that i think they are nice/funny/cute/interesting, and when i see them i get a little flustered. it is kind of a bummer, but at the same time, i'm tired of getting consistently screwed over by girls. this makes it a ton easier. i just like the idea of them. single summer 08.
it'd be great to not be so lonely, and generally unhappy with my situation, but having outside stress, and working too much pretty much prevents me from having a relationship with anyone, on any level, it seems like. at least my life isn't like it used to be where i'd have some girl in my bed, who more times than not, i could have cared if they were there or not. i was usually just using them, or they were using me, too. i don't know, it was just to compensate for something that wasn't there, and something i wanted to feel.
my plans of going on vacation went awry this week as well, seeing as how working at the bar may not be so good next month. i'm gonna have to try and be as thrifty as possible. i've already started with my banana/iced tea/water/bread and hummus diet. it amounts to $10 a week for groceries. fortunately i take vitamins. hopefully it results in me losing a couple pounds.
really i kind of hope something good comes out of this summer to restore my faith in something. really, i just want to go on vacation.