busy busy busy.

so it's been a while since i last posted. nothing out of the ordinary has really been happening. i've been working a whole lot, and not really making the most of my time off. i had hoped that i would go get a funnel cake at Honfest today, but ultimately have wound up smoking in my room and sitting in the AC.
i have been pretty unhappy since me and dana broke up, but not in the way that she is the one making me that way. although, she did have a small part in it. in the last couple days, it had a little more sting than i thought, as well. i think i've just realized that i have that feeling that as much as i want to leave here, i am stuck, and doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes. some mistakes you never stop paying for, as the suicide file says. i knew i should have moved to richmond when i'd planned on it. who knows were my life would have taken me by now. all i know is that other than a few great friends, and life experience, baltimore really hasn't done so much for me. i've lived here for 10 years almost. that's all i get? that's fucked.
on to somewhat happier things, this summer has pretty much involved the same thing most summers have when i've not ben on tour: hot weather, no socks, late nights, girls, drugs, drinking, sitting on the porch, and work. the new bonus is having a room with windows, and an ac unit. the other new thing with this summer for me, is having crushes. for some reason it's something that i never really develop, but it's kind of a new thing. usually i just decide that i think a girl is attractive, ask her out, yadda yadaa yadda. these girls, i honestly don't even want anything to do with. i just like the idea that i think they are nice/funny/cute/interesting, and when i see them i get a little flustered. it is kind of a bummer, but at the same time, i'm tired of getting consistently screwed over by girls. this makes it a ton easier. i just like the idea of them. single summer 08.
it'd be great to not be so lonely, and generally unhappy with my situation, but having outside stress, and working too much pretty much prevents me from having a relationship with anyone, on any level, it seems like. at least my life isn't like it used to be where i'd have some girl in my bed, who more times than not, i could have cared if they were there or not. i was usually just using them, or they were using me, too. i don't know, it was just to compensate for something that wasn't there, and something i wanted to feel.
my plans of going on vacation went awry this week as well, seeing as how working at the bar may not be so good next month. i'm gonna have to try and be as thrifty as possible. i've already started with my banana/iced tea/water/bread and hummus diet. it amounts to $10 a week for groceries. fortunately i take vitamins. hopefully it results in me losing a couple pounds.
really i kind of hope something good comes out of this summer to restore my faith in something. really, i just want to go on vacation.