Seasons change. See the change.

I've really been slacking on keeping my life updates on here. I know that i'm not going to remember things later, unless i reflect upon them here. I have a terrible memory, and with the lifelong case of "wet brain" that i have, it certainly won't help things.
It honestly has been a relatively eventful month, in my life. I certainly haven't had a shortage of things to do, whether i've been at work or not. I've been quite a busy bee, for the last 20 days or so.
After getting my house broken into last month, i decided to move out sooner than later, so i busted my ass to get my bills and what not paid off, so i worked pretty much non stop through the end of last month, and the beginning of this month. It helped me get straightened out, to an extent. I got moved out in the only 4 day stretch that i've had off in months. I unfortunately joined another band and had to learn songs, in that same 4 days, so that i could play a show. That little stretch has afforded me sanity, fun, minimal rest, and a seriously dinged up foot. While loading in for the show, i had a 8x10 bass cabinet fall on me and crush my foot against a stair. Needless to say, it felt fucking awesome. So now i've been limping around for a little over a week.
Moving out was fucking awesome, though, i live with 2 of my friends, in a different neighborhood, and most importantly, in a nice house.It was a pain getting moved in 2 days, but was awesome when i got it finished and over with. I was stoked, for sure. Now that i'm in here, it has made my life easier, and more fun. Living with Matt and Sean, rules. I'm siked on it, plus we all get on well with each other.
I've even had some other days off lately too, which has been pretty good. I've been to a baseball game, went to a Caps preseason game, played some shows, had some good hangouts, and generally been in a good mood. Now i'm just saving money, so I can go see V and my SF crew, and go to my cousin's wedding in Dec. Those will be 2 fun vacations, for sure. I'm excited to see V, cause she's been having a bummer summer, too. I figure it'll be good, to hang out and just have fun for a few days. Plus i miss the shit out of her.
As far as my love life goes, Celibate Summer might be over, but it might as well have started again, seeing as how i've been trying to keep myself out of trouble. I dunno what to think about anything, my mind is in so many directions. I definitely still have a crush on Veronica, not even a crush really, i like her. Then there's the dog walker, who i dunno what is going on there, or how i really feel about it. The ex who is still in love with me, who I want nothing to do with. The transplant, who i think is just someone i should be friends with. She is too much for me. Then there's the new girl. She likes me, but at the same time she doesn't like me at all. She thinks i'm the world's biggest shitbag. She might be right, judging from the past few sentences. Either way, we hung out the other night, and it was fun. I just can't handle her when she gets loaded, and is mouthy, and can't stand on her own.
Whatever, fall is here now, and there's no shortage of replacements and lemonheads records for me to listen to, to get in the mood for the season. I just need to buy a new ipod, so i can load it up with sweet jams, and ride around town. Who knows what will happen between now and the next time i find time to write.
My life really is still a mess, to be honest, haha.

I'd like to think that this all means something.

My birthday came and went, with more fanfare than i expected. I worked a double that day, and had the Yacht Rock party that night. It was really fun, and busy at the same time. I didn't even get drunk, it was kind of funny. A lot of friends came out, and that was really cool. More than one person got me something special for my bday, that was pretty cool. Sherry got me an amazing present, that almost brought me to tears. It was really fucking cool. It meant a whole lot to me that she went through all of that trouble for me. I love her to death, she is the best best friend a dude could have. Hopefully we'll get to hang out some in September, if i have a free day or two.
I had a couple unintentional days off this week, too. It was pretty awesome. Last night i got cut from work, and wound up spinning records upstairs and getting fucking blacked out drunk. Slurring my words, stumbling drunk. It was awesome while i was doing it, but fuck if i didn't pay for it this morning. Then again a few high ball glasses of whiskey, and a buncha beers and other shots will do that to ya.
I had an awesome conversation with V today, about general life bullshit, and blackouts, as well as some old friends of mine. I'd really like to go out and visit her one of these days, i miss her a lot. Apart from still having a huge thing for her, she is a great person, and a treat to be around. We're definitely on the same level on a lot of things. I feel like we were kind of meant for each other sometimes. Either way, we talked and i learned some things about old friends that really bummed me out a lot. It's kind of a shame when people who were like family to you, are completely different than you remember. Ah, such as life, i guess.
It's been nice having the day to do whatever with, right now. I had band practice today, and went and grabbed a beer with Dave afterwards. I came home, and hung out with Gerry, ordered a pizza and watched tv. Something neither of us ever get to do. I don't even remember the last time we hung out not at work, or a bar. I hope he winds up joining the band, and not moving, cause he's really the only person other than Sherry, or Erica, to some extent that i really like being around. If he bolts to PDX, that'll be a bummer. It'll also be another reason to go visit one of the 10 people i know who are living there. It's turning into little Baltimore out there.
I'm also starting to get really tired of people that can't fix their own situations. I am included in that group, so it's not the pot calling the kettle black here. I'm well aware that I'm quite the sad sack, most days. However, i can at least not rely on other people to "fix me". So many people that i know, blame everything on other people and have no idea that the one thing that's wrong is them. I know i'm fucking crazy. I wish other people would realize it, and fucking figure it out. If you hate something so much that you truly do feel like it's ruining you, stop fucking doing it. It's pretty simple.
As far as how to fix my own situation, i dunno. I control my own destiny, and I guess I'm just waiting for something great to happen to me. Whatever, or whomever it is, i'm waiting with baited breath, and my arms spread wide, waiting to embrace it.
As for right now though, i'm relaxing and watching Replacements videos on youtube. It's pretty fucking great.

Celibate Summer

Celibate Summer. Started off as a joke, and has now become a full fledged reality. It's a good thing, i think. It's kept me out of trouble, and limited the number of regrettable decisions that a guy like me can make when dealing with serious bouts of drinking away depression. I haven't even hung out with a girl, really, until today. In her case, she is one of my ex's, Dana, the girl that you can read about in the first series of entries in here. She is also part of the reason that I am depressed. Not now, but in the beginning, she was a catalyst for the place of driven myself to, now. It was pretty ironic that the one person who called me to hang out, was the one who didn't want to see me anymore 2 months ago. My life is that good.
She said she'd take me out for my birthday, to lunch or something. We didn't eat. She did, I didnt. I got coffee, and she got cake and later on, ice cream. It was fine hanging out with her. We did the normal dance around the topics of conversation we know shouldn't get brought up. Walked around, chatted, all that stuff. We decided to go to a movie. Step Brothers, my choice. I thought it was average, she fucking hated it. Afterwards, she dropped me off and i came home. Real exciting stuff. It was good for me to get out of bed before noon, though, so i'll give her points for getting me to do that.
I sat around all day yesterday, and watched tv. Watched a rom com that made me get teary eyed. i think i'm starting to lose a grip on my sanity, or really be getting seriously depressed. i think it's the latter. my habits are not good. sleeping all day, not going anywhere, only leaving the house to work, mood swings, not eating, drinking a lot, doing a ton of drugs. it's not good. obviously i don't give enough of a shit to straighten myself out either, so whatever.
Last night, i wasn't feeling particularly social. I wound up going to see a movie alone. It's kind of weird that i've seen more movies this month, than i've seen in the last year before this, combined. Anyway, i went to Rotunda, saw Pineapple Express, and thought it was awesome. It was funny, cause there wound up being like 10 people i knew at the same movie. It figures, small town we have here. Afterwards, i went with John, David, and Roman down to Rocket. It was Matt's birthday. Got there right in time to sing him happy birthday at midnight. Hung out til last call, didn't drink a whole lot. Just came home and watched tv for about 20 minutes, so i could get up to hang with Dana today. Insomnia fucked with me til about 6, so it was whatever. I got to sleep and it was fine.
Other than that, work's been kicking my ass, and so has life in general. My birthday is in 2 days, and the only people who have even bothered to give half a shit are 2 of my ex girlfriends. Life is grand.

We're running in circles.

I'm really starting to feel like my life is one never ending cycle. People coming and going, trends circling back around, wash, rinse and repeat. I don't think that i've ever really been able to get over anything ever, because for some reason it won't escape me. Every day i see someone whom i've had some sort of encounter with, that won't let me get away, or forget about them. It's almost as if those around me are so co dependent that i just can't shake them.
I'm not going to lie, one or two of them are certainly situations i look at as missed opportunities or second chances i would like to take, but for the most part i would just like to be able to move on.
i mean fuck, how are you going to not talk to someone forever and then pop back into their life, and pretend like things are totally ok, and nothing changed. Or for another example, how are you gonna tell someone you need them in your life so badly, and then do something behind their back, hoping they don't notice, or just not care if they find out?
What the fuck am I doing with myself? I have a hard enough time figuring that out without all of these other distractions throwing a wrench in the gears.
I wish i could just get away and spend time with a second chance, or a missed opportunity, and hope that it gets my head straight. Honestly right now, i don't think it would, but then again, my life has been complete chaos for so long, I don't even know what normal is anymore. Fuck, I'm a mess, and I don't even know what to do about it or how to fix it.
Haha, i hope someone random comes to this entry and makes sense of it. if you can, please let me know, cause I sure as shit can't figure it out.

Are you going to...dick meeting?!?!

it's been a pretty eventful stint in my last week of living. i've actually done something outside of my normal routine. the night of the last entry i was in pretty good spirits, and happy about life. that came crashing down the next day when i was at work and found out i had been double scheduled. this was due to the fact that iron maiden was playing and the entire bar went to the show. literally the entire security and bar staff that was not scheduled was there. I was stuck working all night. It was pretty fucking irritating. The next night, it took a turn for the better, cause it was the last night for the current thursday night dj's. the music was finally good, too, so of course no one came out, cause they are idiots. there was also a hip hop show downstairs, and the crossover appeal wasn't happening. i did get to meet two awesome girls from boston, who tipped me excellent, and gave me their numbers. i will be hanging with them in the future, i hope.
finally on friday, i broke out of my normal day to day bullshit! i went to new york for a couple days, so we could play our yearly soccer match. we left around 7 or so and had a really entertaining ride up. i rode with sherry and the Dosch. We listened to a bunch of old school jams, and had serious sing alongs. it was a lot of fun. when we got up to ny, we met up with a friend of ben's, and the 6 of us who came up early went out drinking. my friend lisa came out, which was cool. found out her and justin broke up. also cool. found out they broke up because of some girl he slept with. i slept with her too. not cool. either way, she's one of the girls i was talking about liking having a crush on. when i hang with her, it feels really awesome. that's good enough for me. i want her to stick around, not go home. after we went out to another couple of bars, and picked up some more people, we had to get some sleep. we went to barcade, and trashed, which were awesome. i fucking hate union pool though. that place is always filled with dickweeds. katie bailed on giving me a place to stay, but my homegirl sona came through in the clutch!!! unfortunately it took us forever to find her house cause we missed a turn.
the next day was the game. after getting 2 hours of sleep, we left brooklyn for long island. it sucked, i should have just stayed up. during warmups for the game, i broke my finger and strained a muscle in my ribs, somehow. fortunately, i was the only goalie, and we only had 3 subs, so, i got to play a 90 minute game, injured. we lost by 1 goal. i had a meltdown, but wound up being ok.
after the game we went and bbq'd for a bit and came back into the city. we stayed with sona again, and hung out at her place, before going out. katie wound up coming over to meet us, and it was chill. we eventually went back, and got some much needed sleep.
Sunday was a return to the routine. after driving back, i went to stop into work to get my phone charger. bad idea. the kid covering my shift never showed. fucking great. so i had to work. my legs were sunburnt. my finger's broken, and i gotta work this dancy/dj bullshit. i wound up getting off at midnight. lucky me, i also was dodging emily all night.
monday, i had off and got crabs with brigette, kicked it at rocket. watched Pam get crazy, and saw a girl i used to sleep with go home with Pietro. ew. at least i got to hang with matt for the first time in awhile. we're gonna have band practice saturday.
last night, just dj'd, emily got drunk, i didnt. she kept trying to kiss me and hug me all night. it was fucking annoying. even if i were dating her in any capacity, i would hate this. much less from a girl i've slept with a handful of times. she wanted to come over, i didnt. i won, i got to go to bed alone. and wake up alone. and here i am, sitting in my office, which is my bedroom. while gerry and megan lay there in bed, hearing me click away on my computer, having sweet conversations to themselves.
i'm counting down the hours til work, and band meeting, present.

Summer is here.

I finally went night swimming the other night, wasted out of my mind at 3 am. It was really fun, i think. I really love going swimming. If i had a car, i'd probably go swimming every day. I'd also probably do a lot of other things if i had a car as well. I know i'd go to the beach on every day off.
I'm making plans to go on a vacation with Jess, to AC. She likes gambling, and so do i. We also like the beach, and getting drunk. This trip sounds like a winning combo.
I found out my ex is dating one of my best friends. That's awesome. At least he's a good dude, so i'm pretty ok with it. i kinda figured that was what would wind up happening anyway. it's kind of weird. i definetly had a dream last night where we had gotten back together. i dunno what to think about that, haha.
I'm gonna go see my friends play a show tonight, one of the rare times i go to a show willingly, much less a hc show. apparently i'm not too old for it. either way, i'll get to see a lot of friends, and hang out. that's the one thing i really want to do right now, since i never get to do it.
my bands have some sweet shows coming up, too. so i have that to look forward to, as well.
Everything seems to be coming up roses.

currently playing: Ambulette- Seconds til Midnight.